The Aftermath

My husband called me on Sunday, the day after my last post. The first words out of his mouth were, "I want to kill myself." He was sobbing hysterically. I somehow managed to calm him down and find out where he was....San Diego. That's an awful long way from home. My first reaction was to get him somewhere safe. I called the San Diego police, told them that my husband was suicidal and his exact location. They picked him up and took him to County Mental Health in San Diego. I still had no way to get him home, but at least now I knew he was safe.

After I came to terms with the fact that he was safe, around Monday evening sometime, I began to get angry. Really really angry. FUMING! I understand completely that he's ill, but he still needs to be held accountable for his actions. He needs to realize that it is NOT okay to indulge in these impulses.  He knows when he's manic so he needs to be able to tell me instead of disappearing and stealing and selling anything we have of value.

I now cannot pay utilities, because he took the money for that so he could buy a greyhound ticket. I also cannot pay rent because the little money we get from our roommate had to go toward his bus ticket home. I haven't heard back from the job interview I had on Monday, so for right now we're screwed. I hope he has a home to come home to!

I made it perfectly clear to him that I would not be like everyone else he's had in his life. I will make him take responsibility for this and for any time he disappears in the future. If and when he does this again it will up to him to get home. I will always welcome him home with open arms, however, I will NEVER give him so much as a penny to get home again. He's actually quite lucky that I did so this time. I was going to make him find his own way home from San Diego. I made that perfectly clear until I checked the mail. We had received a letter in the mail from disability office telling us of an evaluation he was to have with an appointed psychiatrist. We really need him to get on disability so I couldn't have him missing that appointment.

One thing that did make me feel a little better was the password for the bus ticket. When picking up his ticket from willcall he had to provide them with a password. Since I purchased the ticket, I got to choose the password: IMAJERK. I felt some sense of satisfaction that he had to say that in front of people. I find public humiliation to be a very effective punishment at times.

Hopefully I hear from this job today. I really need work. No one in this house is working right now. Our roommate got fired. I left my last job willingly (before I knew my  husband was ill) and haven't been able to find another one since. My husband can't hold down a job...money stress is crazy right now. Please send me positive thoughts! We really need for me to get this job. The interview went extremely well and I have a good feeling. The longer I go without hearing anything the more nervous I become. It's the only interview I've even been able to get.